____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
