Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
