I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Vodka?
Forever.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
