I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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