Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
