my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
