I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
