fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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