oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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