Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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