Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
