The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
