youre lurking in front of me
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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