Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
