I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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