My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
