Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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