We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
