The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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