I'd wear matching sweaters with you
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
