im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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