what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
