yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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