In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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