I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
