please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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