I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
