Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
