Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
