I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
