I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
