I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
