Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
that's an acceptable place to lick
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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