Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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