now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
