Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
