I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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