Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
soo... how was my night?
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