If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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