Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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