Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
