I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
