I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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