It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
