I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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