So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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