she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
