4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
