You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
