I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
