Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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