I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
