We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
