I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
