What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
